When you know how to fall in love with yourself, your life becomes extraordinary.
When you fall in love with yourself, you have a lifelong romance that never fades, tires or disappoints you. Love is always available to you when you learn how to love yourself.
If you have been searching for love and can’t seem to find the right person, or you are in a relationship that you’re struggling to make work, it is very likely that your belief system around what you deserve could be the issue. You need to fall in love with yourself first. Once you take the focus off others and focus on self-love, you might just find that your relationships instantly improve. After all, when you love yourself, others will love you too.
Bad relationships can take many forms, but the people who stay in them tend to have something in common. They are afraid to end the relationship – no matter how bad it is – because they are terrified of not being loved outside of it. It is such a tragedy to see someone wasting away in a bad relationship because they feel that no one else would love them if they leave. However, the truth is that a feeling of lovability cannot come from another person, it has to come from within.
If the idea of learning to love yourself seems impossible to you, consider the fact that once upon a time, you loved yourself effortlessly. When you were a baby, you happily accepted all the love and care that came your way because you instinctively knew you deserved it. You simply knew you were enough, without any need for love yourself quotes.
When and why did you learn to feel unlovable?
Children have one job: to seek and receive the love and approval of their parents/adults. Small children depend on others to care for them as they cannot look after themselves. This is a primary instinct we all have. Not too long ago our safety came from belonging to tribes or communities and we would have died without love, connection and being accepted into a group. Being alone or rejected was not only scary but life-threatening. That’s why most societies practice exclusion as a very effective punishment. These powerful drivers are also why children (and adults) suffer so much from bullying and social exclusion.
Almost all of my clients have unmet needs that originated in their childhood when our subconscious mind was forming its core beliefs about the world. As children, their needs for love, safety, support, recognition, praise, connection, significance or nurture was at some point not met. They went from a state of knowing “I’m loveable,” as a baby, to doing whatever they could to appeal to their parents/adults to “please love me”. It’s a subtle but crucial shift. When they felt their needs were unmet, as they were unable to meet their own needs, they started to believe “you don’t love me and if you don’t love me no-one else will”.
These children take the beliefs of not feeling lovable with them into adulthood, looking for someone else to meet all their unmet needs. They believe that they must find someone or something to make them feel better, someone to love them and give them self-worth. However, the truth is there is no one who can meet all our needs, nor can we meet all of someone else’s needs. We can only meet our own needs when we fall in love with ourselves.
Fall in love with yourself and transform your life
People develop all kinds of coping mechanisms to deal with deeply uncomfortable beliefs, including addiction, compulsion, depression, and anxiety. What usually lies beneath any client’s presenting problem is one of 3 beliefs:
- I am not enough
- Love is not available to me
- It’s hard for me to have love because I am different and cannot connect
The common denominator of almost everyone’s issues is that, somewhere along the way, they learned that they weren’t enough. Not loveable enough, successful enough, talented enough, perfect enough or good enough to be accepted unconditionally. With all my clients, I try to locate how and when they first got that feeling and then replace it with more empowering beliefs, with a laser-like focus on what they most want. Unlike most therapists, I don’t spend weeks or months on sessions getting there; I have developed Rapid Transformational Therapy to free clients from their issues and achieve immediate life-changing transformation with long-lasting results.
Fall in love with yourself in 5 easy steps:
- Repeat after me: I Am Enough
The number one way to fall in love with yourself is to change your mindset from “please love me,” to “I’m loveable”, by believing that you are enough. I have watched over and over how a simple, profound, and life-changing mantra of ‘I am Enough’ can replace this ultimate limiting belief with self-love and set you free.
‘I Am Enough’ is the most powerful statement of truth I have taught millions of people all over the world to use, to dramatically change their lives forever.
Put the phrase “I am enough” in places where you will repeatedly see it. Write it on your mirror, put it on your fridge, create a daily reminder on your phone, set it as the screensaver of your laptop, and put it on your car’s dashboard. Change all your passwords to contain it so you have to write it and read it every day. Then, tell yourself out loud that you are enough, regularly and repeatedly as this is how the mind learns. Say it in multiple tenses: “I am enough, I’ve always been enough, I will always be enough.” The more you say it, the more your mind will accept it as true. Make it your statement of truth and see the difference it makes to your life.
- Give yourself the praise you most need to hear
The most important words you will ever hear are the ones you say to yourself and believe.
Nothing boosts your self-esteem and builds up self-love as praise does. Most people think that praise has to come from external forces, but that’s where they are wrong. Praising yourself holds tremendous power, which is why the world’s most successful people often employ this as a tool.
Praise yourself for who you are as much as for what you do, as this is the fastest way to increase your self-esteem. After all, self-esteem literally means what YOU think of YOU, not what other people think of you (or it would be called other esteem or their esteem!)
Once you’ve mastered the art of praising yourself for things big and small, you’ll find it more natural to accept praise from others with both humility and gratitude. When you make it a habit to accept praise from all sources – most importantly from yourself – your self-esteem, brain function, and productivity will thank you.
The more you can be your own brain’s best friend, the more you’ll be able to find opportunities to praise yourself. This is a quiet habit of almost all successful people I work with.
- Celebrate your own success
Success, in this context, does not simply mean rich, famous, and powerful. Success is so much more than that. There are so many people who look outwardly successful but are inwardly impoverished. When you fall in love with yourself you will be effortlessly successful.
Success means being your own ally, friend, and cheerleader, even when your world isn’t doing that for you. It means seeing the inherent value in what you can offer, building up those around you because you know how to build up yourself. You are kind to others as you are kind to yourself first. It also means letting go of the stories and limiting beliefs you’ve told yourself or been given by your family, embracing the idea that you alone are responsible for the words and pictures in your head. Working towards your dream goals becomes a lot easier when your brain is working for you not against you.
Good things happen when you’re happy on the inside and feel the love within yourself.